There are not many things that provoke artistic sensibility like grief.
Today, London based artist Natalia Millman talks about her ideas, inspirations, the settling in of pain and sadness; and how in it grief and art come together.

SAH: You grew up in Ukraine — how did you end up in London?

NM: My story has a bit of a fairy tale feel. Growing up under communism and witnessing massive political and geographical transitions when Ukraine gained its independence after the collapse of the USSR, I never felt settled in my culture. Although melancholy, openness, and sensitivity set deep within me, I could never visualise my life in that part of the world. Something was missing. I always loved travelling and whatever resources my parents could put together despite financial hardships, were invested in my new experiences. They wanted me to have a better life in a place with more freedom and opportunities.

I went to Germany to study language and do a traineeship at Regensburg University where I met my future husband. It was love at first sight and that love was tested and survived years of a distance relationship.

That’s how I ended here. Love.

Me being at the right moment at the right time. For me, this proves a theory of fate: everything that happens in life happens for a reason, often difficult to spot at first.

Today, being British Ukrainian, I am still contemplating who am I more of. What culture dominates within me? Parts of me assimilated to London: I became more reserved and polite, less direct but still super resilient and ready to open my soul wide to pour out all my feelings (Russian -Shirota dush/ широта души).  

Natalia Millman. Erasing Memory.

SAH: Where do you get your inspiration from? Can you talk about your ideas and how they evolve?

NM: I get my inspiration from nature, research, and conversations with people.
My notebook is always with me because the creative process is sporadic and new ideas can come when you least expect them.

My latest body of work is based on dementia and ageing.

It is evolved from my personal story of loss when my dad passed away from dementia two years ago. Prior to that, I was working with abstract landscapes. Then everything stopped when grief became too overpowering. I could not paint any landscapes. Most of the time I worked with a black background, scratching paint off the canvas and repeating the process. Maybe I was searching for something to be revealed and let out to the surface.

My memories of my parents are currently the basis of my ideas. Sorting them out in my head and writing down the feelings that are associated with them.

I do some reading about dementia trying to understand the illness on a deeper level and to see parallels with my family story. Speaking with people who lost loved ones, also can be a great resource for ideas. Because we all experience and see things differently, even the same event can have many options and hearing other people’s struggles with loss can generate the flow of new ideas. Then something negative can become positive.

This is what I am trying to focus on - out of grief can come art. My experience of loss re-shaped my creative process completely, helped guide me towards this new body of work.

Nature can also inspire me deeply, especially the idea that everything is interconnected and finite. I see trees as people. Their bark reminds me of ageing skin and when they are old, they fall to the ground. Forgotten branches, tree trunks and all rotting fauna is hugely inspiring. Decay is an act of fragility, inevitability, and love.        

SAH: Is it possible for you to separate your work from your life?

NM: It is very tricky now with lockdown, summer holidays and my kids at home. I have a very supportive family but sometimes I wish I had more time for my studio practice.
I am lucky to have my own studio in the back of my garden with a stunning view but sometimes I only look at it through the window busy with other things.

I often catch myself mulling a new idea at the dinner table and lose track of conversations and feel zoned out when my kids are asking me something.

My creative mind is always switched on when we travel or go for a walk with my family.
I would be looking out for shapes and materials around, frequently filling my pockets with various bits. 

Art has helped me dissect the feelings of grief that were tightening within. It helped me repair myself and discover that my limitations can be pushed further by me and only me.

It soaked up my life and helped me heal. So, my life and art are one.

Now, I am super busy preparing for my solo exhibition, Vanishing Point, October 6-10 at the Crypt Gallery, London. I used to be an event organiser and structure means everything to me, I am trying to make sure that everything is ready for the show. This adds an extra layer of responsibilities to my studio process. My family are trying to be super patient with me now!         

Natalia Millman. Solo Show.

SAH: What kind of impact do you hope that your work has?

NM: I am hoping that my work radiates the energy I put into it. I am a strong believer in universal force that vibrates throughout and holds everything together. I don’t strive to be understood but I would like to move some internal strings within the viewer: to give them a chance to pause, reminiscent and slow down their bustling thought process.

Many of my pieces are conceptual. Their visual representation can be misleading.
I am excited to be questioned about my story. I am intrigued about the thought process and where it takes the audience when they try to work out the meaning. Even then, there are many versions of the same meaning: all depending on where the individual perception takes us.

I value the words of Joseph Cornell, when he wrote in his diary: “Gratitude, acknowledgement and remembrance for something that can so easily get lost”. I am hoping my work serves a little reminder about how precious our life is, how quickly we age and how important it is to enjoy being here, in transit.       

Natalia Millman. Lights Out.

SAH: Some of your recent works uses found material. How did you arrive at this material?

NM: I have always been drawn to dark muddy colours and textured surfaces. Most the materials I use in my work come from the local building site or fly-tipping accidents.
I love the fact that they used to belong to someone before, I re-use them and give these materials another purpose, somehow extending their existence.

What I find resonates with forgotten, old, and abandoned.

I often feel sad seeing things damaged and want to save them. My builder once mistook my material for junk and took it to the dump. I was not very happy about it. Those pipes and rusty wires reminded me of piles of limbs and arrangements of broken veins.

I incorporate lots of natural and artificial hair in my work. Skin is represented by fabric, bricks, or tree trunks. These two elements can tell the who story of human life. The creases on the skin are prints of suffering and heartache. Bark and broken bricks are symbols of these emotions. Grey hair tells a story of human age and survival. It guides us towards the final destination powdering our heads with silver dust.    

Natalia Millman. What We Can’t See.

SAH: Do you remember the earliest memory of when you wanted to do what you do today?

NM: I have always been creative as a child. Both of my parents are self-tough artists. Paper and watercolours were always lying around, and they always sketched and doodled on scraps of newspapers. My mum keeps a collection of all my handmade cards.

I have always loved looking at art and going to galleries. When my kids started school, about 8 years ago I joined the weekly art school, then 2 years ago I was invited to Studio Fridays- a more challenging environment that involved structured mentoring. It stirred a hurricane of ideas, helped me set my goals and develop consistent art practice.

I feel I am still at the beginning of my journey which is very exciting. Starting something new and unexplored is daunting but interesting. I am always up for a challenge, and this feels like the beginning of the right path for me. I believe that with hard work and the universe guiding me, I will be able to reach many people’s hearts.    

Natalia Millman. Losing Memory.

SAH: What is your main mode for selling original work now?

NM: Since I am a recently established artist and in the process of learning the business side of artistic practice, I am mostly involved in fairs and group exhibitions. Affordable Art Fair 2021 was a huge success for me. 

Some of my work is not complimenting the domestic interior design and is predominantly interesting to galleries and specific collectors. Skulls, brain shapes, bricks, worms, and ash are difficult to be hung on the wall above the dinner table. They need to have a special place. Now, I am working out the correct path for me. There are lots of resources online helping artists do this. Instagram and visibility are my prime focus right now, as well as networking and establishing connections with ageing and dementia organisations and other artists who work with similar topics. I am always happy to talk to like-minded people!

I recently updated my website and launched my blog trying to reach a bigger audience. Hopefully, my solo show and exciting events, interviews and Death Cafe I am running that week will create many new opportunities.        

Natalia Millman. Tender Stroke.

SAH: What are you watching, listening to, or following that you would recommend?

NM: My Number 1 Podcast when I do my run is Talk Art. It is so informative and thought stimulating. I always tend to do a little research after about the guest, or something mentioned. My second favourite is Finding the Why with lovely Kirstie Tebbs and Sarah Hardy that always cheers me up. They have amazing chemistry, brilliant stories to discuss and are always so supportive of emerging artists.

My recent holiday read was Funny Weather by Olivia Laing that has been lying on my table for ages waiting to be tackled. I was surprised to find out her style was so appealing and rich, and the language so vibrant. The book successfully tells the story of the damaged lives of famous artists. It’s a fantastic book that one can read and re-read.

I also managed to see Tracy Emin’s/ Edvard Munch exhibition Loneliness of the Soul at the RA last week. So happy I now have a beautiful book to explore her recent work in more detail. She is an extraordinary artist, and her powerful work has a special place in my heart.

I am also trying to finish Memory’s Last Breath by Gerda Saunders who writes about her own dementia journey. This is a heartbreaking story of a woman who demonstrates how to celebrate ‘magisteria of mind’ despite a mental decline. It is part of research for my recent body of work on dementia.   

I always listen to Ludovico Einaudi to relax and also to annoy my kids in the car. His music is magical and doesn’t fail to re-set any hyper-stressed mind.

Calm App with daily meditations is a must and a useful tool to practice mindfulness.
They are short, easy to follow and they work!

Natalia Millman. Vanishing Human.

SAH: What advice would you give somebody who has just started their artistic career?

NM: Be patient. Take time to understand who you are as an artist, what is your purpose, where are you going? Ask these questions every day, write down the answers, ask more questions and write more notes.

Really understand your art and follow YOUR path and be authentic.
Followers, submission success, grant approvals do not happen overnight.
It requires many years of hard work and personal development. Stay patient.

Accept criticism and rejection but most importantly acknowledge your persistent self-doubt but don’t let it settle in your heart. It will try to mislead you, trick you into being someone else but refer to your previous notes and be patient.